Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

You think you are badass. But you aren’t, compared to the man himself, Chuck Norris. Somehow the man has achieved massive cult status (apparently he deserves it? Don’t hurt me, Chuck!).

Here are just a few of the suppositions from www.chucknorrisfacts.com that made me do that silent laugh thing:

- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

- Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

- Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Oh, my sides. Aidez moi. It hurts.