November 21, 2007

going home

So disorienting being back on this familiar spiderweb of streets, driving through the night under a glare of yellow streetlights in a borrowed car. Every exit off the freeway, every intersection, every half mile here has a story I could tell you. Some neighborhoods have dozens of stories that tumble into my mind unbidden and all want to talk at once. As often as I seem to keep finding myself back here for one reason or another, it still isn’t exactly home anymore after two years on a new frontier, and yet it always will be home. This contrast puts a weighty, sharp, tangled knot of corded grey-white inside of me. Being back in the area I grew up in feels a bit like that dream you have where you open a door in your house and there’s this whole dusty wing that you forgot about with rooms and hallways and little alcoves that look so inviting, yet are silent from disuse. Am I the only one who has this dream? It always plays out in my sleeping brain that I walk through that creaky door and everything feels oddly familiar and exciting, yet unloved for so long that the strangeness is unavoidable. In the dream, I always tell myself, “You know, I totally forgot this part of the house was here. I gotta remember this.” What do you do with that? I wonder if this peregrine journey will ever stop feeling this way.

Home.

3 Comments »

  • “You can’t go home again”, indeed. That indeed being the case, Heather, hope you have (had?) a wonderful holiday with your family. I want to add: that paragraph you wrote is evidence of the main reason I visit your site with such regularity; your writing. You have incredible talents with the written word. Well done, and have a great holiday season.
    Love, Eric

    Eric — November 22, 2007 @ 6:25 am

  • This is the most beautiful thing I’ve read on your site yet…that’s saying something.

    Happy Thanksgiving.

    Tyler Knott — November 23, 2007 @ 10:32 am

  • I agree. You captured those feelings very well. Nicely done.

    I haven’t had that particular dream but can identify with the strange distant/familiar/dreamlike experience that returning to a previous home brings.

    Heather — November 25, 2007 @ 6:20 pm

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Bio Pic Name: Heather Browne
Location: Colorado, originally by way of California
Giving context to the torrent since 2005.

"I love the relationship that anyone has with music: because there's something in us that is beyond the reach of words, something that eludes and defies our best attempts to spit it out. It's the best part of us, probably, the richest and strangest part..."
—Nick Hornby, Songbook
"Music has always been a matter of energy to me, a question of Fuel. Sentimental people call it Inspiration, but what they really mean is Fuel."
—Hunter S. Thompson

Mp3s are for sampling purposes, kinda like when they give you the cheese cube at Costco, knowing that you'll often go home with having bought the whole 7 lb. spiced Brie log. They are left up for a limited time. If you LIKE the music, go and support these artists, buy their schwag, go to their concerts, purchase their CDs/records and tell all your friends. Rock on.

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