September 7, 2007

An open letter to my perky gym instructor Pam

Dear Pam,

This morning as I struggled to get out of bed because my legs, arms, stomach, butt, and most everything else except my face felt like I was slogging through a painful and stiff quicksand, I admit that I cursed you, as nice of a woman as you are. Why don’t you consider changing the name of your Tuesday/Thursday gym class to “Nazi Death-Squat Torture with Pam”? Or maybe “How Many Reps Can You Do, You Sniveling Baby? How About Eight More?”

Both have a nice ring to them, and I think that would be a more accurate descrption of what occurs within those bemirrored walls on floors of shiny wood and padded colorful mats that smell like sweat. You sadist.

Sincerely,
The one cheating on the overhead presses when you weren’t looking

12 Comments »

  • This made me laugh. So awesome. :)

    Matthew — September 7, 2007 @ 11:49 am

  • Geez. I don’t even know what an overhead press is.

    mel — September 7, 2007 @ 12:09 pm

  • You should join my gym, which is located on my couch with a remote control nearby.

    Joe — September 7, 2007 @ 12:11 pm

  • Heather

    Just find a gym with a powerplate – no pain, lots of gain, and the sense of cheating but not cheating…intelligent….gym club….

    As Robert Mitchum once said,”It sure beats working” (out)

    russell — September 7, 2007 @ 12:29 pm

  • Still laughing at this one. I think I’m going to join Joe’s gym. Sounds far more doable. ;-)

    Smiling, Beguiling — September 7, 2007 @ 1:09 pm

  • Man, what a whiner!

    You went there for a workout!

    Anonymous — September 7, 2007 @ 1:10 pm

  • Something tells me that “Nazi Death-Squat Torture with Pam” wouldn’t attract the kind of crowd that you’d want to work out with.

    James! — September 7, 2007 @ 3:41 pm

  • zoiks. i just had in n out.

    firedande — September 7, 2007 @ 3:48 pm

  • I took a step class for a few weeks once and I wanted to die after every class. Its a great workout but the instructors were insanely into it.

    try kickboxing or boxing.

    Anonymous — September 7, 2007 @ 4:12 pm

  • You’re funny. ;)

    Chris — September 8, 2007 @ 3:19 pm

  • Have you ever tried, Coenzyme Q10?

    It facilitates the conversion of sugar into energy without the nasty residual lactic acid side effects.

    Worth checking into before your next Gulag session.

    Royalcyclops — September 9, 2007 @ 2:49 pm

  • Thanks for the chuckle!

    JoJo — September 9, 2007 @ 4:41 pm

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Bio Pic Name: Heather Browne
Location: Colorado, originally by way of California
Giving context to the torrent since 2005.

"I love the relationship that anyone has with music: because there's something in us that is beyond the reach of words, something that eludes and defies our best attempts to spit it out. It's the best part of us, probably, the richest and strangest part..."
—Nick Hornby, Songbook
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—Hunter S. Thompson

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